Monday, November 7, 2011

JACKSON PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR PREDATORS NEXT DOOR

I am writing this article to help parents everywhere become more alert about the predator next door. I am using that term to show that the predators that prey or want to prey on your children are almost always closer than you think.
If you have a chance do a google search on news about predators who have been arrested and convicted, or go to the library and get the audio version of Michael Reagan's book TWICE ADOPTED, check your zip code area for convicted sex offenders, just for openers.

I have seen the repercussions of child hood molestation up close and personal in our extended family. I also have worked undercover in sting operations where predators have exposed themselves as being from every walk of life, every race and all ages.

Preying on children has become so much easier for predators because of the internet and social networking sites such as myspace, facebook and other less known chat rooms where children are lured and filthy predators are lurking waiting to attack and devour their prey.

Parents are not paying attention and or realizing the danger their children are in online as well as in or near their own front door. Here is just one example of a person who was entrusted with such a powerful position which he then used to cover up and commit his felonies of child molestation and allegedly murder.


I am listening to the news right now on Jerry Sandusky former coach whose charitable organization was a cover for his molestation of children. NOT, any man who wants your kids to sleep over, be on guard. These men [and occasionally woman] groom and target underprivileged and or vulnerable families or children. This is a planned out strategy.

Let's look at who predators really are inside. While on the outside they come in all sizes and shapes, races, ages and professions or backgrounds there are some key elements inside most predators that they have in common.

They are show special interest in vulnerable children, they are narcissistic, it's all about them, they believe that laws should be changed so they can legally have sexual access to younger and younger children, they believe they can outfox the legal system, fool everyone, they often are without any healthy self esteem and seek to have power over children to seek to boost their self worth, they are often seeking power in general and believe that power will give them more access to children to gratify their perverted lusts, they are usually trying to position themselves as heroes, friends of families & children, spiritual experts, politicians, teachers, coaches, or seizing any opportunity that gives them more access to children, they rarely or ever feel remorse for what they are doing to hurt children, they only regret getting caught and losing their freedom or access to children, they often cannot have any real meaningful adult relationships romantic or platonic because they are living a double life, and they do not know how to relate to other adults in a positive, productive way, they use, manipulate and tolerate people to get their agenda of preying on children met, they often have creative, or positive personality traits that endear them to children and adults, they use clever conversation to frighten, entrap or intimidate their victims, they often appear to have outward concerns about the law, their community, or the well being of children so much so that parents and others see them as child advocates, they may contribute to the financial well being of needy families or communities to further their so called credibility, they often will be involved in any job, position, employment, or organization where they can show case their "talents" to win approval so they have more access to children. There are many more common areas.

What do we do with this? It sounds like every teacher, pastor, coach, neighbor and boy scout leader is suspect! Well yes and no. We need to closely examine any child advocate or person who will have access to our children but if we look beyond the exter 1/2or and watch and reserve our children's involvement paying attention we can hopefully discern whether another adult is safe for our children. Another thing we can do is to educate our children early on. One of the things I did with my children was to tell them never to go to "crime scene number two." They still remember that today. Another thing I did with our youngest child was role playing. I started role playing when she was 3 1/2 years old. I was the stranger or known person who had the missing dog, needed help or was telling my child we were in a car accident and she needed to go with that person. We developed a secret password which we used almost on a daily basis whenever we used public restrooms, or in role playing. She knew that password would be used by a trusted adult if we could not reach her. We only shared that password with a couple of people. In addition we had trusted friends and family that she knew were always safe even without the password. We also educated our child as she grew up by letting her know who the bad predators were in our zip code, we showed her their faces and said if anyone looking like this comes near you ever let some trusted adult know. We allowed her to watch TV programs on runaways who were preyed upon or other missing children. We rarely let her sleep over anyone's house unless we checked out the parents and related family. She was not allowed to sleep over friends houses that had "older brothers, step-fathers and uncles" in the home or around the family unless we had spent time evaluating that situation at length. We always keep the doors of communication open, asking questions, giving her the impression that we would never be mad at her if something went wrong, etc.

Even so we cannot always know what might happen even with the most trusted friends or families. Fortunately for us our youngest daughter has been safe. But one friend who is somewhat unusually innocent in this arena allowed our daughter to spend nights in an adjacent room on a trip with her male relative and his grand daughter who my daughter helped take care of. As much as I have trained my daughter, and as much as she knew this was a huge violation of our family boundaries, she chose not to tell me until she returned from the trip, sometime later. As you can imagine, I was horrified. I know my friend believed there was simply nothing wrong with this as the other little girl had often spent time with her grand father in this way, and I believe truly he is NOT a child predator. However the violation of the boundaries that our family had set for so many years was huge. I was so troubled and asked myself why I had not anticipated this ahead of time. I realize as you do that we cannot anticipate all the what if's that may enter our child's life. Fortunately everything is ok but it was a reality check.

This situation has made us more diligent and cautious. More to come.