Monday, November 7, 2011

JACKSON PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR PREDATORS NEXT DOOR

I am writing this article to help parents everywhere become more alert about the predator next door. I am using that term to show that the predators that prey or want to prey on your children are almost always closer than you think.
If you have a chance do a google search on news about predators who have been arrested and convicted, or go to the library and get the audio version of Michael Reagan's book TWICE ADOPTED, check your zip code area for convicted sex offenders, just for openers.

I have seen the repercussions of child hood molestation up close and personal in our extended family. I also have worked undercover in sting operations where predators have exposed themselves as being from every walk of life, every race and all ages.

Preying on children has become so much easier for predators because of the internet and social networking sites such as myspace, facebook and other less known chat rooms where children are lured and filthy predators are lurking waiting to attack and devour their prey.

Parents are not paying attention and or realizing the danger their children are in online as well as in or near their own front door. Here is just one example of a person who was entrusted with such a powerful position which he then used to cover up and commit his felonies of child molestation and allegedly murder.


I am listening to the news right now on Jerry Sandusky former coach whose charitable organization was a cover for his molestation of children. NOT, any man who wants your kids to sleep over, be on guard. These men [and occasionally woman] groom and target underprivileged and or vulnerable families or children. This is a planned out strategy.

Let's look at who predators really are inside. While on the outside they come in all sizes and shapes, races, ages and professions or backgrounds there are some key elements inside most predators that they have in common.

They are show special interest in vulnerable children, they are narcissistic, it's all about them, they believe that laws should be changed so they can legally have sexual access to younger and younger children, they believe they can outfox the legal system, fool everyone, they often are without any healthy self esteem and seek to have power over children to seek to boost their self worth, they are often seeking power in general and believe that power will give them more access to children to gratify their perverted lusts, they are usually trying to position themselves as heroes, friends of families & children, spiritual experts, politicians, teachers, coaches, or seizing any opportunity that gives them more access to children, they rarely or ever feel remorse for what they are doing to hurt children, they only regret getting caught and losing their freedom or access to children, they often cannot have any real meaningful adult relationships romantic or platonic because they are living a double life, and they do not know how to relate to other adults in a positive, productive way, they use, manipulate and tolerate people to get their agenda of preying on children met, they often have creative, or positive personality traits that endear them to children and adults, they use clever conversation to frighten, entrap or intimidate their victims, they often appear to have outward concerns about the law, their community, or the well being of children so much so that parents and others see them as child advocates, they may contribute to the financial well being of needy families or communities to further their so called credibility, they often will be involved in any job, position, employment, or organization where they can show case their "talents" to win approval so they have more access to children. There are many more common areas.

What do we do with this? It sounds like every teacher, pastor, coach, neighbor and boy scout leader is suspect! Well yes and no. We need to closely examine any child advocate or person who will have access to our children but if we look beyond the exter 1/2or and watch and reserve our children's involvement paying attention we can hopefully discern whether another adult is safe for our children. Another thing we can do is to educate our children early on. One of the things I did with my children was to tell them never to go to "crime scene number two." They still remember that today. Another thing I did with our youngest child was role playing. I started role playing when she was 3 1/2 years old. I was the stranger or known person who had the missing dog, needed help or was telling my child we were in a car accident and she needed to go with that person. We developed a secret password which we used almost on a daily basis whenever we used public restrooms, or in role playing. She knew that password would be used by a trusted adult if we could not reach her. We only shared that password with a couple of people. In addition we had trusted friends and family that she knew were always safe even without the password. We also educated our child as she grew up by letting her know who the bad predators were in our zip code, we showed her their faces and said if anyone looking like this comes near you ever let some trusted adult know. We allowed her to watch TV programs on runaways who were preyed upon or other missing children. We rarely let her sleep over anyone's house unless we checked out the parents and related family. She was not allowed to sleep over friends houses that had "older brothers, step-fathers and uncles" in the home or around the family unless we had spent time evaluating that situation at length. We always keep the doors of communication open, asking questions, giving her the impression that we would never be mad at her if something went wrong, etc.

Even so we cannot always know what might happen even with the most trusted friends or families. Fortunately for us our youngest daughter has been safe. But one friend who is somewhat unusually innocent in this arena allowed our daughter to spend nights in an adjacent room on a trip with her male relative and his grand daughter who my daughter helped take care of. As much as I have trained my daughter, and as much as she knew this was a huge violation of our family boundaries, she chose not to tell me until she returned from the trip, sometime later. As you can imagine, I was horrified. I know my friend believed there was simply nothing wrong with this as the other little girl had often spent time with her grand father in this way, and I believe truly he is NOT a child predator. However the violation of the boundaries that our family had set for so many years was huge. I was so troubled and asked myself why I had not anticipated this ahead of time. I realize as you do that we cannot anticipate all the what if's that may enter our child's life. Fortunately everything is ok but it was a reality check.

This situation has made us more diligent and cautious. More to come.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Sobriety The Struggle to Stay Sober

What is happening to our world? We have celebrities going in and out of rehab like yo yos and thousands of homeless addicts and alcoholics with many more people struggling to get or stay sober in homes, jobs, shelters, hospitals and jails. We should be looking at our countries policies to support illegal drug trafficking, corrupt politicians, law enforcement, doctors and pharmacists for starters and lets not forget insurance companies. Lets start with insurance companies and the insured. Surely they have ways to track when someone is abusing prescription drugs and yet they rarely do anything about it, why because of all the money they make. People have to use all kinds of medical services to get the ultimate drug or drugs of choice from their local pharmacists. They could not continue if these agencies, companies and medical providers joined forces to stop medical corruption.

Genuinely ill people have to wait in line behind those who are using the system to get pain medicine for example. Service providers are more interested in what is easy service and the money they can make on the backs of the insured irregardless of whether they are really helping cure anyone. Doctors need to rethink the Hypocratic oath which says, "First Do No Harm". Continuing to feed people drugs because you can make alot of money on it should be considered illegal and those doctors should be investigated. There are genuine situations where people have real pain and there is no cure for it, in those cases doctors should make them as comfortable as possible. However I remember one doctor, a multi millionaire on TV advertising how people needed oxycotin, on local TV and how he felt so much compassion for them, yet his own ex wife was driven to despair because of prescription drug addiction while they were married and in business together. He did nothing to help her, got divorced from her, fought her for the kids and treated her publicly like she was a piece of crap. He preyed on other woman who were later addicted and dependent on him while he played around with their lives and their families. Shame on us for allowing people like this to continue to practice and not only practice but to flourish.

I went to this shyster myself before I found out how corrupt he was, all he wanted to do was push drugs at me, and I am not one for taking drugs to begin with let alone getting addicted to them. I had diagnosises from other well respected doctors who actually practiced medicine and he did not address those diagnosises. I got away from him before he could do any real damage to me but I then watched as his practices and unethical behavior helped to destroy someone I love very much and he got away with it because of his millions. I heard story after story of his corrupt practices and the financial losses of people who got dependent on his services. He even bailed a patient out of jail to protect his own interests took over a whole family deluded them and helped to break up a marriage just to keep himself protected due to this inappropriate involvement with that patient.

What about the pharmacists, they are making their living dispensing drugs and some of them have had to go through detox and rehab themselves. Are they responsible to be aware if someone is coming into their places of business with their relatives and helpers to get drugs. Now most states are "on line" and can in a couple of minutes run a name and date of birth on someone to see if there is any fraud and turn it over to the narcotics investigators, but what about before it gets to this point. People need help, they don't need drugs for every problem they have. Why aren't pharmacists dealing more in herbal, alternative therapies or at least offering them more in their stores? Certainly those things are not cheap and they could make money on them. They may even bring results which means the person would not have to keep taking drugs, ah maybe that is the answer.

What about us as a society. We oogle over these celebrities, we support their drunken brawls, and follow their every move as they go from one drug induced stupor to another, we don't hold them accountable, stop paying them the big bucks and we glamorize this life style which is mostly a sham, empty unfulfilled lives except for those who have decent family situations and stability and a realistic sense of self.

Our government doesn;'t want to stop the illegal drug trade because it is too lucrative. The biggest joke is saying WAR ON DRUGS when the CIA and others have long been involved in the drug trade and they often allow drugs into the country as long as they are pushed mostly in the black or minority communities. That is another whole story.

We put people in prison that really need drug or alcohol treatment. This mystifys me! We would not think of putting someone in prison who was clinically mentally ill and had a proper legal defense to prove the same yet we lock people up who get no treatment, no counseling and warehouse them with a bunch of other serious criminals and even sociopaths and these people are then futher damaged. We are talking about cutting mental health in state politics when we should be increasing services to the mentally ill so they can get the help they need and many of these mentally ill are dually diagnosed. We have all these conferences and the people who are working in these government jobs enjoy hotel rooms and all kinds of perks including at casinos while the needs of the needy are discussed but the realy needs are really met.

What is really involved in the spiral down to being inebriated is a loss of sense of self respect, purpose and hope. People need to know they are loved that they matter, their sense of direction, to learn how to set goals and find a new way to live. People need counseling for the trauma in their lives, they need to eat right and exercise, they need friendship. Prison is not the answer for substance abusers. When are we going to reach out and take care of each other? Some day this is going to be someone you love, you will feel the pain of frustration and the deep reality that there are really little services out there for these people except for Christian places most places charge so much money there is no one who can afford to pay it.

I highly recommend Teen Challenge, New Life for Girls, Victory Outreach to name a few places for women and men but if your loved ones are struggling with mental illness and need some medicine they will not qualify to enter these programs as they are not set up to deal with medical issues where medicine is required to stabalize someone.

There are also programs such as AA, NA and Celebrate Recovery which I hear is very successful with Christians who want the Christian approach to the 12 step program. It is so much easier if you have a sponsor or a mentor who can assist you in making your meetings, staying on course, as the scripture says, "An isolated man rages against all wise judgement." We all need each other and fighting addictions together is easier than fighting alone.

Also another key in staying sober is to serve others, not to be codependent but to truly serve mankind and those less fortunate than you are, because in giving to others you make an investment in yourself and it will come back to bless you later.

I also think we need more community shelters, residential treatment programs, and especially domestic violence shelters for woman and children. We also need job programs where companies will take on some people, train them and employ them even though there is some risk of failure at least to try.

I will talk more on this subject later.